I normally participate in Thankful Thursday’s, but today I will talk about something different. In a way, it still goes with the theme of being thankful. I am thankful for my earthly dad.
Today marks the 15th anniversary of my dad’s death. He passed away on March 23rd, 1991, in the early morning hours in Bremerhaven, Germany, at the age of 52. He had battled cancer since 1978 and he finally lost the fight.
My dad was an awesome father and grandfather ~ although he only met our son; my sister’s children were born after his death. He loved Daniel to pieces. It broke his heart when my Sweetheart and I decided in the fall of 1990 to move from Germany to the States. After my Sweetheart left for the States to build a new home for his family, I lived with my parents for 3 months to save money. My dad was again very sick from the cancer that had attacked his body so many years earlier (we thought he had beaten this decease *sigh*). Some nights I heard him roaming the apartment ( I was a light sleeper – could never sleep well without my hubby). I could hear him being in pain and I prayed that God would heal him soon…
On February 8th, 1991, Daniel and I left Germany to join my Sweetheart in the States. And what a ‘goodbye’ it was. I truly thought that I would see my dad again. I trusted that God would heal him soon. You know, that I didn’t even tell my dad that I loved him. Till this day that is heavy on my heart. I spoke with my dad several times from my new home. He had made plans to visit with my mom the fall of 1991. He wanted me to find a long-term-rental so they wouldn’t be a burden to us. What a guy!!! – Always thinking of others first. He was always positive and happy, even with the disease slowly killing him. He never, ever complained about pain or how unfair it was that he was so sick.
On March 23, 1991, 5:30am I received the worst call in my life (to-date that is). My dad passed away after some painful hours. All I could say to my hubby: ‘No, this must be a mistake. It is not true. I just talked to him the other day making plans to visit us in
the fall!!!’ After my Sweetheart confirmed that my dad did pass away, I grew cold, angry and I was hurt. How could God not heal my dad? My dad was a God-fearing man…He trusted God as much as I did. What went wrong? I was so angry, I didn’t pray again or talk to God for six years after my dad had died.
You know what the hardest part was? I wasn’t allowed to leave the country to attend the funeral of my own father. None of the airlines wanted to give me a break. Hello – I still had a return flight!!! But no one wanted to redeem it for me to fly back….I was able to leave the country two months after my dad had died. I also had to be careful leaving the country due to my status as not an ‘official’ resident alien. Regulations, you know….The trip back to Germany in May of 1991 was the hardest trip I’ve ever made across the Atlantic. I finally was able to say ‘goodbye’ and ‘see you later…’
Looking back at how angry I was at God, it makes me angry at myself. God did heal my dad, just not the way I thought He would. I still miss my dad, but he is in a much better place than I am. I am looking forward to the day when we are reunited in heaven…and dance in the streets of golden.
I love you dad….See you soon!
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” ~ Rev 21:4 (NIV)
I had a earthly Father much like your Father, I loved him very much. We lost him three years ago to a long painful disease that put him on oxygen for the last two years, (he had no quality of life at the end)it is so hard to see those we love suffering, but even harder to lose them so young. I rejoice that both your Father and mind knew and Lord. And being with the Lord is truly the ultimate healing. God understands when we hurt and natively direct the hurt towards Him, His shoulders are broad enough and He loves us anyway! I’m glad you have worked though all that and understand God’s grace and mercy on a deeper level now, and I have no doubt that your earthly Father knew (and knows) your love for him.
Thank you for sharing this story about your Dad. It truly touched my heart. My father died back in the late 60s and I still miss him. He had a bad heart and died one night in his sleep at the age of 59. My dad and I had a wonderful relationship which is how I became a Believer. I knew how much my Dad loved me and was told that my Heavenly Father loved me even more. It still brings a tear to think about it. Have a blessed day in the Lord!
Thank you for sharing this story and being transparent about how you felt towards God. I have not had to yet experience hearing those words on the other end of the phone, and I don’t look forward to the day I might have to. I am so glad you have made peace with our Heavenly Father over this and your commitment to share the “good” that has resulted.
I lost my mom to cancer on June 15, 2003 and I have to admit my relationship with God has not been the same since. I just can’t seem to get it back, I don’t know.
Oh, Iris. I’m an emotional wreck right now. I’m reading your post through blurry wet eyes! I could feel all the emotions in your words. I know it really must be difficult to lose a parent, and I pray to God that my own would live to see my kids grow to adulthood. To be angry at God is a normal feeling during a time of loss, and God understands the pain you went through. And with the same understanding he has, he also gives us the grace to endure these painful moments and with his healing hand, he touches every part of us that needs healing. We will never understand his reasons as to why he heals some and others he allows to go through the suffering. Hard it is to actual do, maybe, but I guess we will just have to trust that his plans do have a purpose and reason. One that we will only understand when we meet our loved ones in heaven 🙂
Oh, Iris, I so appreciated this tribute to your Dad–thanks for sharing it with all of us. Your story brings back many of my own memories and feelings since losing my mother less than 2 years ago, and my father 7 years ago due to lung cancer. When the time came that they got so very ill, I couldn’t believe it was really happening. The Lord gave me the grace to get through each loss, but sometimes I still break down and cry when I think of things I wished I’d done years ago for them.
Your tribute will touch and minister to many people. And perhaps your sweet Dad is already smiling to know the depth of your love and admiration for him. {{hugs}}}
love you bunches,
Vicki
that was beautiful. you are very lucky to have had such a wonderful dad!
*hugs*
not being able to leave to attend the funeral had to be hard! however, he understands and i’m sure his spirit was with you, anyway. Atleast now his body is cancer and pain free.
I rec’d a call about my grandfather in 1991 and tho he was my grandfather and not my father – it tore my heart apart.
Your dad is proud of you, I just know it.
Thank you so very much for stopping by today and leaving your kind comments. I ment a lot to me.
As I have said it to couple people:”I am not sure why it hit me this year worse than other years”…
Living by His grace…
Wow, it sounds like quite a journey for you to have ot go and grow through. I’m sorry for your loss but can’t help but think of Romans 8:28,29. God bless!
Oh my friend… What a beautiful tribute to your father. I’m so glad you will get to be with him again! What a wonderful reunion that will be!! [[[hugs]]]
What a beautiful tribute to your father. To have a father like yours…is such a beautiful gift…and the thought of eternity spent with your earthly father…AND your Heavenly Father…is a treasure. No sorrow there.
Diane
wow, girl…this has been a real journey for you! you never know what story lies behind those you love and care for, you never know their heartaches, dreams, or fears. what a testimony for you to be where you are – honest, secure, and in love with Him!
all my love!
Isn’t God wonderful for creating 2 human beings who are great a mom and a dad.
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Iris this is precious – thankyou for sharing it. I really related to your honesty and also when you said God did heal your Dad but not the way you had thought – I had the same process when some-one I knew in my church died from cancer.
You gave a lovely portrait of your Dad here.
MY heart goes out to you. I know how you are feeling. You see on March 12 it was the 5th anniversy of my fathers death. He too died of Cancer. I had a special bond with my Dad. Although on of through my childhood we had attended church he really had not made that moment to God. It was not unitil We knew he was not going to get any better that he finely did. It will always be a joy to knowing that I was able to talk to him about God and having him tell me that He has made his peace with God and was just waiting to be with him. And then he said Now you can rest and not worry about me you will see each other again..
So always remember he is there waiting for you to sing in Gods Choir with him.
That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing it.
Iris,
Thank you for your tribute to your dad. I look forward to meeting him in heaven when the time is right. Blessings to you…
Thank you all again for stopping by. Yes, my dad meant a lot to me, and I think that this post was part of the healing process. I am looking forward to the day we will embrace again in Heaven.
All honor, power and glory to Him, forever and ever…
I’m sorry for your loss. This was a sweet honest post.
I’m also happy to hear that God healed your hurt and anger
Visiting from the blogging chicks carnival
Iris, thanks for sharing about your Dad. It must have been very difficult. I’m glad you were able to reconnect to God in your life. It’s easier said than done when we’ve loss someone so close to us. You are quite a woman to have come out of such a hard and painful situation to be now sharing the grace and goodness of God. I lost my brother to cancer when he was 53 yrs. old, same age as me now. It was hard to understand, but God brought me through it. I’ve made a pledge to myself to always declare, “Blessed be the name of the Lord,” no matter what the circumstances, even if I have to say it through tears. I know He’s still in control and I just have to hand my pain over to Him. Thanks for your wonderful blog.
Dearest Iris, I, too, have a daddy in heaven that I wrote about for Father’s Day. I can only imagine how difficult your loss was…to be so far away, too. My daddy had lived a long full life, and it was easier for me to let him go on to the wholeness and healing waiting for him in heaven. Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly about your own pain. Love ~ Patricia
Iris, you know this one hits close to home for me in some respects, and it makes me realize the depth of your empathy for me when you extended your condolences to me. Losing your parents is singular in its pain, I don’t think any other loss translates.
Those six years you were angry with God are not lost years. Because you bear the image of God, He was still at work in you, using those years and their circumstances to shape you into the woman you are today…simply beautiful. It gives you an empathy for others that you wouldn’t have otherwise, and a non-judgmental spirit as well. Those are good things.
Praise God He continues to teach us through our painful losses!