~ John Piper from “A Godward Life“~
To tell you the truth – currently I have a little issue with my sister. Although we live over 6,000 miles apart, we are very much involved in each other’s life. Actually – it is not an issue – I am angry with her. But since I don’t handle confrontations very well, I just keep silent — for the time being. You see, she went through a lot over the last couple of years. I don’t want to throw salt into her open wounds…
BUT – she is not doing the right thing. She is not following what the Bible is teaching — at least not in her current situation. So, how do I restore her soul? How do I make it clear to her that she is wandering off of the path God has laid before her?
I am not talking to her about the subject right now — I want my anger to vanish. I would not accomplish anything with yelling at her — even though I want to. God has told us in the book of Galatians (6:1), if someone is caught in transgressions they should be restored gently (in my own words)…Although I have grounds to ‘reprove’ my sister’s actions, I want to wait for God’s Spirit to give me the green light. I don’t want to be the bull in the china closet. Through His love, I can restore her soul in a gentle way…
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (ESV)
Please visit out hostess, Loni at “Finding Joy in the Morning” to read her and other Christian women’s take on this week’s IOW quote.
Blessings on your day and as always…
I don’t know if I’m the right one to answer this. All I can advice you to do is be there for your sister and love her unconditionally. Sometimes we have to find God on our own. I know I did.
Thank you for sharing Iris. We all have these situations that are so difficult, aren’t they. Sometimes it’s letting the wind blow, and being available to her, and loving her. She knows the truth – just love her! (Easier said than done, huh?!?!?!) Loni
Ouch! I feel your pain. (I assume your sister is a believer and raised in the church as you were?) You’re wise to wait until your anger has dissipated. When you do muster the courage to confront her, you’ll be perceived as coming from a place of love and concern. Thanks for sharing your heart today. :~)
“So, how do I restore her soul?”
that is not your responsibility – it is God’s. he may choose to use you, but He may not. i believe it takes more self-control and discipline to simply love us as we are than it does to try to correct.
i have a friend whom i love. she began spitting in the face of God to me. i tried to be gentle with her, but she kept on and on, and finally i stood her up and asked her how long she was going to blatantly blame God for her own choices! it was not a once or twice thing – she made it a lifestyle that affected her four children greatly. she said i was judging her and told me to have a nice life. she has not spoken to me since. unfortunately. it was one place where i did not want to go, and i tried to avoid it for a looong time. but God kept convicting me. sometimes we need to be Elihu (book of Job). sometimes we need to just love. i knew when i stood her up i risked the friendship.
your anger comes from your deep love and affection for your sister. may you provide a safe place for her to come home to when she’s finished wandering. also, sometimes we have to hit “bottom” before we learn what God wants to teach us – only thing is, only God knows where bottom is. may your sister’s “bottom” not be too far down. may she find you a safe place.
Iris, thank you for being so transparent. I can only offer this. When you feel led by the Spirit to speak to her in love, do so. It is not your responsibility how she reacts. If you’re led by the Spirit, you’ve done God’s will. It’s out of your hands.
GOd be with you and your sister
In Jesus
Maria in the UK
http://www.inhishands.co.uk
Restoring in Love is always very difficult when it is so close to home. I will pray that the Lord would touch you in a visible way and bring about healing on this situation. I also will pray that He gives you the words to share, and the knowledge to know when to share them.
Be blessed,
Heather
Iris that your for your transparency. I agree, you need to green light before moving forward. You never know what God has going on in the background that you can not see. Praying for you.
I think your job right now is to pray. For you sister and for your own heart towards her.
I’m not going to tell you to not be angry with her when/if you do confront her. Jesus was angry (or at least really irritated) with Peter when He called Peter “Satan” I imagine. And He loved Peter…how much?
But I will say that you would do well to pray for God to tell you VERY CLEARLY when it’s the right time to admonish your sister.
Part of the problem with today’s church, in my opinion, is everyone is so busy being politically correct and trying to not hurt anyone’s feelings that we don’t admonish our brothers and sisters in Christ when they’re engaged in habitual, unrepentant sin. There is no church discipline anymore. And it’s a real problem that is perpetuating many more problems and giving people permission to engage in more sin.
So, pray about it. It may be that you don’t engage in a big discussion at first, but gently begin showing her, little by little, that she’s in error. Or it may be that God has someone else in mind to take on this task – not you.
Yes, a difficult situation you are in. I have learned the HARD way in a very similar situation, earlier this spring…only it was with my husband. I had to finally give up the ‘control’ and let God change the situation on HIS time not mine. It’s a hard lesson to chew, but like some of the other commenters here have said. It is on God’s timetable, not ours. He will open the doors and guide you IF you are to say or do anything. Meanwhile HE is working quietly behind the scenes…which we can never see, and often think nothing is happening. Our tempation is to rush in and change things…when all the while the Lord is preparing a perfect plan according to HIs will, which may or may not include US doing anything. The only thing we can do is pray. Prayer DOES work! I’m learning these same lessons right along with you. hugs
Keep seeking God and He’ll give you inroads.
I have found myself doing the same thing when I’m upset with my Dh. Instead of blowing my top and saying things I shouldn’t, I stay silent. But unlike in your situation, I’m in the same house with him and eventually we must talk, but by then my anger has cooled off and we can discuss rationally what needs discussed.
Keep praying that God will step in and give you the right words to say.
Looks like I’m a little late in the comment line, but I heard Chuck Swindoll say on his radio program this morning to “Sic God on them”, when wishing we could change others. How true, huh? I’m trying to do this in my own life with someone.
Okay, twice in one day the Lord has used you in my life (your Laced by Grace devo). Thanks for offering a practical situation for thought in response to Piper’s quote. I will be praying for you and your sister’s relationship today!
I agree with you……it’s hard watching someone you love do the wrong thing…thank you for sharing…..I’m glad I am not the only one who feels this way!
Pray. Be gentle. Trust Him. He is faithful.
May God bless you, and your sister.
(((hugs)))
You walk in the Spirit and you’ll be the light your sister wants to walk into one day.
Right now your sister has no ears that hear even if you should talk to her about whatever is going on, but your prayers will open her ears one day and then she will see the LIGHT. Remember that it took each one of us many years before our ears were opened and we saw the LIGHT. But for now all she needs is prayer.
I’ll be praying for you about this situation with your sister. It’s always good to pray and let the anger subside before saying or doing anything. Having a bit of a dispute with one of my own sisters:-) But I’m thinking…until God gets ahold of your sister’s heart, it’ll be hard for anyone to restore her. Keep loving her, praying, and waiting for His timing. It may be that she comes to her senses (in whatever area she’s not obeying God) without your input. It may take awhile. If God gives you an opportunity to speak to her on the subject, you’ll sense it and follow His lead. Or, He may use someone else to speak truth in love to her.
Oh, btw, excellent quote by Piper. I took it to mean that when someone lashes out against us or against God, we wait silently without trying to correct them, for maybe at that moment, they’re lashing out from their pain, or their “sore.” Letting them express their woundedness could lead to healing, at which time we can lovingly foster reconciliation between them and God again. (at least that’s one thing I got out of it:-)