Christine is asking us to look back for this week’s Marriage Monday. She is asking us to reveal what we were like when we got married and how we are today. Did we have role models?
I think that is was naïve. I thought that I was the perfect match for my Sweetheart. Was I really? Did I do everything in my power to be the best wife I can be? I don’t know. We have been married for almost 24 years, but I don’t think that I had the correct understanding what it meant to be a devoted wife.
Of course I fulfilled all my marital duties. I kept the house clean, washed the laundry and, you know, intimate time…But I was also a very independent woman. I probably manipulated my Sweetheart more often than I want to admit.
I remember when my Sweetheart couldn’t find a job in Germany. They were closing down the bases and he had to find something to support his young family. No one in Germany wanted to give him a job…As I remember correctly, my dad was the one who said to move back to the US. In all reality I should have been the one to encourage my husband to move back—not my dad.
I was kicking and screaming. I didn’t want to move to the US—away from my family. So my dad had to sit me down. “You belong to your husband. Remember your wedding vows. Were you go, I will go…â€. Sure I remembered; of course my dad was right. Although it was hard for my mom, she also encouraged me that I needed to go with my husband…With a heavy heart I said “Good Byeâ€.
Have I changed from who I was and who I am today? I sure hope so. Who was my role model? My mom. My biggest influence though has been the Word of God…
Although some of the passages have been really hard for me to swallow (e.g. Ephesians 5:22), God is constantly teaching me what kind of wife I need to be. Remember I told you in the beginning that I was very independent. Today I see independence more as being prideful. It was true in my case.
Submitting to my husband didn’t mean that I had to give up my personality, but to recognize my husband as the head of the household. Today I take a closer look at my ‘wants’. Will my ‘wants’ be good for our marriage or my Sweetheart? Marriage is not about me and how it makes me feel. Marriage is all about compromise and commitment to each other…
By the grace of God I will be the perfect match for my Sweetheart.
To find more thoughts on this week’s Marriage Monday, please visit my friend Christine at Fruit in Season.
Blessings on your Monday and as always…
I agree that independence is many time about pride. As Christian wives and husbands we are called to be INTERdependent instead, something the world doesn’t recognize as worthy. I love how your dad was the one to remind you what marriage is about, what a wonderful influence!
I don’ tknow that I have ever seend independence as pride, but I can now. You explained this wonderfully, and definitely gave me something to consider and contemplate. Thank you.
By the grace of God—I agree. Each day I pray to become more of what My Father and my husband need me to be.
I’m so thankful I’m a different human being than I was almost 20 years ago! It’s amazing how much we thought we loved each other then, compared to the depth of our relationship now.
Your influences are beautiful–your mother and God’s word. I hope one day my children can say this about me (and my husband) and their own relationship with the Lord.
You’ve written an honest and thoughtful post. No doubt your move to a “foreign” country was one of the hardest things you’ve ever done. I doubt any of us would do so without shedding many tears. I know I’ve missed my “homeland” many times too, but I do appreciate the new life He’s given me here. Hugs!
Independence being pride… that’s really interesting. Thanks for sharing that in that way. It has definitely given me a new outlook on some things.
I think that is something we all struggle with, trying to do things our way and thinking that our husband is getting the perfect wife–even when we know we aren’t perfect. Hoiw much easier it is to acknowledge his faults than my own.
Thank you.
Bless you Iris for being such a Godly wife.
“Submitting to my husband didn’t mean that I had to give up my personality, but to recognize my husband as the head of the household.”
Looking back, I can see that sadly it took me a bit of time to learn this. I submitted outwardly, but inwardly, I was fighting a lot of the time. Thank you for sharing your story.
Your thoughts about independence being prideful are so insightful. I never though about it that way before. I also loved hearing about how your father and mother encouraged you to be a Godly wife. What a gift they gave you by letting you go. I hope someday that I will be able to bless my children the way your parents blessed you!
what wonderfully wise parents u had 🙂
I remember it was hard for me to separate from my mom as well when my family moved from MI to WA and I stayed in MI. But in hindsight, it was the best thing that happened for our marriage. Thanks for sharing!
This is a beatiful post, Iris. 🙂